1.28.2014

I met with my thesis advisor tonight via phone conference, where we planned out the next three semesters of work.  Three semesters?  Yes, three.  We figure with the massive project of writing a novel ahead of me it would be better to spread it out so I don’t half-ass it to fit a crunched deadline.

He used the terms, “agent-ready,” and “career move.”

Holy shit.

You know that feeling when the roller coaster lurches forward and you can’t stop the machine and you can’t jump out and you’re grinning like an idiot because you know you’re just going to have to scream and laugh until it comes to a stop?

That’s where I am right about now.

1.10.14

Is 7pm too early to go to bed?

What happened this week?  It was such a blur.  I had a bunch of appointments that needed to be scheduled, I needed to correspond with my college advisor, I needed to go workout.  Suddenly, Friday night.  I’m happy to just have my hot tea, shout answers at Jeopardy, and wait until I can legitimately go to bed.

1.8.14.201

Captain’s Log –

The cold has invaded to the extent that the child now sleeps in extra fleece blankets as well as flannel sheets and an Angry Birds comforter.  The captain has opted for the down comforter, long removed, now brought out of retirement.  The heater runs constantly, though this evening it has been stopping at 10 minute intervals.  The captain’s hot tea turned cold too fast. 

First world problems – having to use all that awesome cold weather gear that we accumulate which is seldom appropriate for Delaware winters.

1.7.14

I’ve been trying to knit a pair of socks for almost a year now.  It has been well over a year since I finished a pair.  I really hate the yarn.  I bought a ton of this stuff when I had first learned how to knit, and I still have 3 colorways that I haven’t finished.  I wear the other ones, but the other night I realized my feet were still cold, and a little sweaty.  These socks kind of suck.  And I don’t like knitting with the yarn.  Why am I doing this”  I don’t know!  So I ripped out the sock, put the yarn back in the stash ( I cannot throw yarn away, it’ll be good for something), and got some pretty green sock yarn and the Monkeys pattern by Cookie A.  That’s what I’m talking about!  I feel rejuvenated.

I think I may have changed my mind for my thesis.  Do I write the novel, or do I write a chapbook of poems?  I thought the novel would be perfect, but I am having doubts.  Is that just a sign that I should push myself harder out of my comfort zone?

1.6.14

It’s freaking cold out there.  It’s freaking cold in here, too.

For background, I live in a basement apartment, the front half of my apartment is underground, and the back of my apartment sits flush, so I have a slider door and a patio.  It’s nice, and it keeps me sheltered from a lot of weather woes.  The only trouble I have is the occasional draft around my slider, not really anything I can even complain about, that’s how insignificant it is.  I don’t have to pay for heat or hot water, it’s included in my rent, and my stove is an old-fashioned gas stove, so if the power goes out I can still cook.  It’s a pretty sweet setup in the winter.

The polar vortex is so bad that my parents have called to make sure I am okay.

I am a knitter surrounded by wool, I have unlimited heat, hot water, and cooking gas, a fridge full of food, and the cable is on.

I’m fine.

Freezing, but fine.

I finished a turban and some makeshift mitts.  It’s too cold to wear them tomorrow – tomorrow I will need a full wool hat and mittens – but otherwise the set will be perfect for Delaware winters.  Rav Link.

1.5.14

How is it already Sunday night?  I do hope I can get myself back into a schedule with the holidays behind us.

When do you take down your tree?  I wait until Epiphany, the twelfth day of Christmas, which is tomorrow.  I also don’t put up my tree until about 2 weeks before Christmas.  I feel like Christmas is so rushed, put up the tree right after Thanksgiving dinner, strip down all the beautiful ornaments on the 26th.  Too soon, too soon.

I practiced piano last night.  I haven’t really tried to play since I was young, 13 or 14 years old maybe.  I found that I still can read music easily, but I was stunned at how good I am!  Not to brag, I’m still pretty terrible, but much better than I would expect after a 20 year hiatus.  I always thought I was a poor player, but now I wonder.  If I can do this now, with no practice, maybe I was just too far into my own head to know how much potential I may have had.  I’m going to keep practicing, now that my teenage insecurity is gone.

Spinning took place today, too, for the first time since July.  Interesting.  I think this is a year to wrap it up, organize it, resolve the unresolved.

1.4.14

Inkkas – my next tennis shoes.

I might be slightly swayed by the ethics behind this company and their goals to promote self-sufficiency in under-priviledged women, but really I just love that their site shows a lady spinning wool on her spindle.

Here’s a scarf I crocheted over 10 years ago and finally took a picture of today.  It has held up well, and is so huge and bulky that I am always very warm when I wear it.  The pattern and yarn are Lion Brand.  Rav link.

1.3.14

I just finished reading Blackbird House by Alice Hoffman.  I liked it, but not as much as other books written by her.  It was a wandering book that covered hundreds of years, with loneliness and self-preservation running a strong theme.  I didn’t feel great after reading it; there’s no grand resolution.  The book could go on and on, generation after generation, but I guess it has to end sometime.

Driving was hairy this morning.  I hate driving in bad weather in Delaware.  Everyone with 4 wheel drive was blasting down the road, as if that will stop them from losing control on the considerable ice sheets that had formed in the night.  I was in that crappy rental car, and as I was turning into the office a HUGE pickup truck slammed on the gas and tried to pull past me, losing control.  As I stared out my window at the tire that was level with my face, I sensed a bit of my own mortality and regretted not buying the additional rental insurance.  All’s well that end’s well, though, as the truck managed to regain control and slow down a bit so the little cars could make their way through easier.

My car is back home!  At first, no one at the body shop had reported to work because of the weather, so the front office called me and asked would I mind picking my car up on Monday?  Sure, why not?  Saves me from having to drive too much in the weather.  Then, a couple hours later, they called back.  A couple shop guys showed up, and my car was all finished and ready for me!  I left work a little early, returned the thorn in my side rental car, and picked up my beauty!  My car is in great shape!  It looks brand new, inside and out.  The shop made perfect repairs, washed and waxed it, and detailed the interior a bit!  They got out most of the silly putty Stephen ground into the upholstery last summer!  They are heroes!  I love them!  I may have to use Yelp! for the first time in my life to brag about a company!

My plans this weekend include reading, knitting, taking pictures of old knitting projects that I never uploaded to Ravelry, and just chilling out in general.  Single digit temps tonight and Saturday, but Sunday it will be all the way to 40F!  Say what?!  I may go out for church and Zumba, no promises.

1.2.14

I’m home with a frozen pizza tonight, thinking about the snow falling outside and wondering how heinous my drive to work will be tomorrow.  I know people who grew up in the frozen tundra, who can drive across an ice rink and never lose control.  I am not that person.  I’m in a crappy rental car that I may be returning tomorrow if my car is done at the shop, and I am not happy about having to drive in bad weather in a car that I am not familiar with.

When discussing weather at work I always say, “It’s not going to amount to anything.  The weathermen are filthy liars.  They want you to think it’s the worst storm ever so you will keep watching their channel.”  I’m not that person who looks at the highest possible accumulation and says that’s what’s going to happen.  Or immediately says they aren’t coming to work just because of something that may or may not be happening the next day.  I’d rather tough it out and save my vacation days for the summer.  Sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by all these Nervous Nellies that just make me more and more nervous, so I have to be the dissenting voice…even if I may be totally wrong.  Someone has to be a Pollyanna, right?

Do I just internalize this nervousness more than others?  Are they able to keep going on and on about things like massive snowfall and taking their lives in their hands to drive 5 miles to work (someone really said this at work today), but then once they are home they can turn it off?  When I am around people like that I get more and more worked up and nervous.  Like I can’t even stand myself I’m so anxious.

1.1.14.201

I don’t know about this whole resolution thing anymore.  I’ve got some goals, but mostly I’m going to work on caring about the important things and not giving a damn about the rest of it.  I quit smoking last year, but that was sort of by accident, and not a resolution, so I think that’s how I’m going to roll with it this year.  Let good things happen, release harmful, toxic patterns and behavior. 
Be safe, everybody.  Love and be loved.  That’s what it’s all about.